Written by Shruti Panandiker (Moved from comment)

Dear Bhau,


It’s been four months since your demise and I just realized how soon the days are turning into months. I haven’t been writing on the blog because probably I have been constantly talking to you. You have been watching, guiding, smiling, frowning and I have seen those expressions reflected on your photograph hanging on my wall.

It’s almost as if you are in India with aai and we will soon see you again. Then when I recollect how the Pune home will be without your presence, or when I’ll see aai without you beside her, it brings tears to the eyes.

I think it’s good to cry every once in a while to face the reality of your loss rather than to pretend that you are in India and we will see you soon.

But then I also feel good that you are watching over me and guiding me.

I still remember the story you had shared with me from Saint Ramdas’s life history. The story was that as a young boy Saint Ramdas had set off from his home, in search of god. He walked along the banks of river Godavari as his mother had told him he would find god at the mouth of the river. He walked on for days and yet couldn’t find the mouth of the river Godavari. One day he met an old hermit living in a hut besides river Godavari. He rested at the hut for some time and then asked the hermit if he had seen the God at the mouth of the river.

Hermit told him that he too had set off in search of god and had spent days looking for him. He could get only this far and now he was too old and frail to walk any further. But he could guide Ramdas and show him the path to reach to the mouth of river Godavari. And so he did.

We too need a hermit in our lives to show the sign ‘this way please’ and I am glad you guided me like the hermit. I too have set off on a trail where I know I have a long way to go. I also realize that I can take a few people along with me. So my music classes have become my goal and I am enjoying them thoroughly. I also realize that sharing my knowledge with others increases it ten folds and there is immense satisfaction in that too.

I just wish that I could have spent more time during childhood and in growing up years learning from ajji . I remember her frequently and all the old songs, which she had taught, are coming back. It’s amazing how the childhood memories are imprinted in our minds, all we need is some stimulation to activate the defunct memory. I also wish that I could have spent more time with you as you had a lot of knowledge on varied topics and it was there to seek but we never had the time to do so.

Anyways what is past cannot be amended but the future can learn from the past. So I hope I continue to learn and learn and keep my heart and mind open to learning. Every experience in life has a learning and I hope I make the most of it. And I know I will have your and aai’s blessings with me forever.

Love
Shruti